God designed marriage to be the closest human relationship. The goal is for two to become one. This is the design, but since we are all fallible and sinful, the process does not always work according to the divine plan. All who have been married experience pain and trials in their union. We need God’s grace in our marriages as we do in every area of our lives.

Marriage is good. Jesus performed his first miracle at a wedding. Paul compares the husband-wife relationship to the Christ-Church relationship. That said, it may seem a little odd that Paul begins this passage on marriage with this statement: Now for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to marry (v 1).

It is OK to be single. In fact, it is good. Paul and Jesus were single. A single person is not second-class in the kingdom of heaven. A single person can do some things that cannot be done by someone with a family to care for. Paul tells us that being single or married is a gift from God. God determines these things and our gift may change from one to the other.

Being married is also good. The intimate relations of marriage is good and is part of what it means for the two to become one. No one is to despise or neglect those relations. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to himself, but to his wife (v 3). Those who are husband and wife are to live like husband and wife. The affection and intimacy that belongs only in marriage is to belong in marriage.

There are times when these relations are not possible (e.g., illness, menses). Paul speaks of short times of abstinence where the couple devote themselves to prayer. This is to be by mutual agreement. It is like a fast from food and is not to be for very long, because that would lead to temptation.

Why does Paul even mention that husbands and wives are not to withhold their bodies from one another? Husbands and wives do not always treat each other as they are supposed to. Husbands and wives do not always look at their spouse and consider how they may honor the other above themselves. Rather than help, please and look out for each other, they hold out on each other in order to coerce and punish each other.

There are so many reasons why this is a bad idea. Temptation is bad enough as it is. Why open your marriage to that threat by showing rejection to your mate? We are such fragile people. To treat your spouse with distain rather than affection will wound you both and your marriage. Even if such treatment "works" (meaning that you won whatever battle you had with your spouse) if fails because of the destruction it does to both your spouse and your relationship. Your body is not yours alone but belongs to your spouse.

In our perverse world, I have to emphasize that Paul is not talking about submitting to abuse, perversions or anything else that is sinful and harmful. This is not a license to abuse one another in any way. You are not to hurt and abuse your spouse, nor are you to submit to hurt and abuse from your spouse. You are to cherish one another in all ways. Your physical bodies belong to one another in love and care. Your bodies also belong to the Holy Spirit who dwells in you.

Your marital duty is to care about and care for your marriage. If you are married, take advantage of marriage enrichment opportunities. If there is a seminar on marriage, don’t say to yourself, "My marriage is fine, I don’t need that." You would do preventative maintenance for your car. Surely your marriage is worth more than your car. You won’t say of your car, "The car still running, I don’t need to change the oil." Preventative maintenance is not just for cars. It works with marriage as well.

When things get difficult, don’t keep it from those who can help. Talk to your pastor, talk to a councilor, talk to someone who can help. Sometimes it takes help to fix things. If you have a pain in your side, you don’t take out your own appendix. You consult a doctor. Why not do the same for the pains in your marriage? We are to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ to love one another.

Most important is to bring the Lord to the center of your marriage. Pray and seek the Lord. There are areas where you and your spouse need to repent. If you seek the Lord and your spouse seeks the Lord, it won’t be long before you are humbly seeking the Lord together. Then the two start again to become one.