Jesus is against divorce. Most people who have gone through divorce are not crazy about it either. They feel the weight of having failed at marriage, even in cases where they could be acquitted as the "innocent party." Some feel that others look at them funny because of their divorce, treating them as if they have committed the unpardonable sin. It is not. Divorce may leave scars, but we can be healed by God’s redeeming love.

The Westminster Confession (chapter 22) gives an outline summary of the Bible’s teaching on marriage and divorce. It gives the grounds of divorce in its last point. Although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments, unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage; yet nothing but adultery or such willful desertion as can no way be remedied by the church or the civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage. It points to Matthew 19 which (like our text) cites marital unfaithfulness as a reason for divorce and 1 Corinthians 7, which deals with desertion.

The opening line of that point strikes me: the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments. We are always ready to give excuses and rationales for what we do. We say our situation is unique and deserves special attention. One ancient rabbi said that a man could divorce his wife for any reason, even burning his dinner. That trivializes the covenant of marriage that God designed in the Garden of Eden for our good. We should not break faith with our covenantal partner.

That is the word of the Lord from the prophet Malachi (2:13-16). The Lord refused to hear their prayers and accept their sacrifices because they broke faith with the wives of their youth. I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel. I made the two one. There is nothing unclear about that. God hates divorce. We were created for marriage relationships that would last.

Jesus is talking about divorce. In Deuteronomy 24 we read where Moses permitted divorce (Jesus tell us this was a concession to the hardness of our hearts, from the beginning it was not to be that way). Moses tries to make clear that swapping partners back and forth with carefully written divorce papers is still swapping partners back and forth and it is still wrong. We are so apt to study arguments and look for loopholes. In our society with multiple marriages (sometimes called "serial polygamy"!) we do the same sort of things that make a mockery of marriage.

This is essentially the point that Jesus makes here and in Matthew 19. We can send our wife away for all sorts of reason and think that we are legal and righteous because we have followed the proper procedure for divorce. But all we’ve done is bail out of a marriage just because it got difficult. Unless the marriage is broken by unfaithfulness, the divorce invites unfaithfulness the same way that Abraham invited unfaithfulness when he said Sarah was just his sister.

When the grace of God works in a long marriage one partner is used to knock edges off and change the other. We don’t think we need changes, but that just shows how deluded we are. Those changes may be painful, but they are for our good. The Bible says that trials refine our faith, which is more precious than gold. God lets us endure trials in order for those good changes to come. If we do not endure them and grow, we will keep getting the lesson (the trial) until we do. Think about that next time things get rough.

Jesus is for marriage as a covenantal bond between a man and a woman. St. Paul compares it to the relationship of Christ and the Church. What action are we to take from Jesus’ words? Here is one. If you are married, strengthen your marriage. Don’t take it for granted. Most people assume that their marriage will always be fine. They never take special time, effort or thought for it. That is the wrong assumption. Without thought, effort and intension, the marriage often drifts. Unfortunately, couples will get in real trouble before they think of getting help. Even then they often will not get any help. Take advantage of counseling, studies and mentoring to build your marriage. Give it proper effort.

If you are thinking about marriage, do what you can to strengthen it ahead of time. This is why ministers have premarital counseling. Most of the time, couples pick a date and a look for a church without thought to any counseling. A lot of time goes into planning the wedding ceremony (which lasts only a few minutes) and almost nothing goes into planning the marriage (which they hope will last their lives). This needs changed.

What do you do if you have been divorced? If you have been divorced and have not remarried, here is something very important. You have to face what it was in you that led to your divorce. If you don’t, you will repeat it again with your next partner (victim). We never think that the problem is in us. We think it is in the other person. But so often it is in us. The part we have to deal with is always in us.

How are we to avoid divorce and all of its aftermath? Humility before God in earnest prayer, leaning on his grace and receiving his forgiveness. When we are truly humble before God, it makes humility and forgiveness before one another possible.