What does it mean to forgive others? Often we use the words "I forgive you," because we know it is the Christian thing to do, but true forgiveness is hard. It takes the Holy Spirit’s power to free us to forgive. How often have you heard or even said, "I forgive him, but … I want a full apology in front of my co workers. Before I let it go, he has to do something to make it right." Put another way: "I forgive him, but before I really forgive him, he must say or do something."

Is that true forgiveness? When we forgive a monetary debt, it means that the other person no longer owes us the money. We let go of the right to be repaid. When you forgive someone their social debt (their sin against you) you let go your right to have that made up. That is forgiveness. Forgiveness does not depend on the other person changing. It depends on you changing to be able to forego the right you cling to—to let it go and have peace. If the other person has to do something first, then your forgiving them is contingent, conditional and incomplete.

God does not forgive us conditionally. He does not forgive us if we are truly sorry. He does not forgive us if we make a deal with him to be better in the future. He does not forgive us if we somehow atone for our sins. He forgives us in Christ because he loves us. We need to receive God’s forgiveness by receiving Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Once we really have that forgiveness deeply rooted in our hearts, we are able to forgive others.

The story of Philemon is a story of forgiveness. Philemon is a wealthy man who has slaves working in his estate. One of those slaves runs away, a crime in Roman law that is punishable by death. This runaway slave finds his way to Rome. Somehow he meets Paul who was imprisoned there. Through Paul, the runaway slave, Onesimus, becomes a follower of Jesus. As a follower of Jesus, he needs to make up for the wrong he has done and go back to his master Philemon. Paul sends him back with this note urging Philemon to take him back, not as a slave, but as a brother in Christ.

It was common in those days for a man to indenture himself as a slave in order to pay off insurmountable debts. It is like receiving a 5 year advance on your wages. But Onesimus ran away before the debt was worked off. The letter does not say, but Paul might have encouraged Onesimus to go back because he still owed Philemon his labor.

In Christ, we are forgiven people. God is making us more like Jesus so we can be forgiving people. What is forgiveness if not giving up some right that we think we are entitled to? Paul cannot legally make Philemon forgive and free Onesimus. But Jesus can enable Philemon to forgive and free Onesimus. We cannot make other people forgive. We often have trouble making ourselves forgive. We need to pray for our own hearts to be free so we can forgive others when they have done something against us.

We cannot forgive for someone else. Paul could not forgive for Philemon. Paul’s rights were not violated by Onesimus. Forgiveness had to come from Philemon. We cannot make someone else forgive. If we make them give up something that they are genuinely entitled to, would we not be guilty of sinning against them? This has implications for us living in society. If the offense is solely against us, we can forgive it. But if it is against someone else as well, then we cannot. All Christian action on behalf of civil rights is based on that truth. Our action is to safeguard the rights of others. We are to speak for those whose legal voice has been taken from them.

However, most of the forgiveness we are challenged to give is personal. The right we have to give up is the right to make things even. Someone has done something to hurt us and we have a right to have it made right, or made better. They hurt us and they should make up for it. They hurt our reputation and they should correct that. We feel that we have that right. Sometimes we actually do have the right. But if we want to forgive, it means we have to give up the right to have it all made better.

Whom do you have to forgive? What right do you have to give up in the name of Jesus? What debt do you have to let go? Ask the Lord. Ask the Lord for power to let go. Forgiveness is possible with the power of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus we are forgiven people. In Jesus we are to be forgiving people.