Speak the truth in Love. That sounds like a great idea. We praise those who tell the truth and we frown at people who lie. We want to be known as someone who speaks the truth, don't we? But if we all like the idea of truth and truth telling, then why is there so much distrust in our society? Why do we need to get things signed and notarized and recorded? It is because there are unscrupulous people who will say anything to get what they want. Society has gotten used to people breaking their word. Many act as though it is no big deal, because everyone does it. The changing attitudes in society have infected us as well.

I do not think that we Christians are that much better at keeping our word. I fear that we may even be more tolerant of people who break their word. A modern motto of the church is to hate sin but love the sinner. This is not bad, as long as we understand it to mean that we hate the sin and love the person who committed the sin. We need to be careful to show love and acceptance to the person but not show love and acceptance to the sin. Let me put it plainly. If a Christian lies and will not repent of it and we treat them as though they had not lied, if they have stolen and will not return and we treat them as though they have not stolen, etc., then we are not showing love to the person. We are tolerating and showing love to the sin.

While we were still sinners God loved us and sent us a Savior. God did not love us because we were sinners. God loved us enough to rescue us from the guilt and power of our sin. We need to love each other enough to speak the truth in love to each other so we can be used of God to help each other root out sin. We need to encourage one another so we can all grow together into the likeness of Jesus.

So our text tells us how we are to live with one another as Christians. It focuses on three things and it says it three times: 1) that we are to stop speaking falsely and badly to each other (v 22 put off your old self, v 25 put off falsehood, v 29 no unwholesome talk); 2) that we are to properly deal with the anger and sin that is inside us (v 23 made new, v 26 in your anger do not sin, v 31 get rid of all bitterness and rage); 3) that we are to bless each other (v 24 put on the new self, v 28 share with those in need, v 31 be compassionate to one another).

This is what repentance looks like. We stop doing what is wrong. We get rid of the cause of our doing wrong (i.e., what is in our hearts). Then we begin to do what is right. All of this is possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. We need the Holy Spirit working through each other so we can see the bad root of sin and bitterness. We need help digging it out. God put us together as one body. We are to help each other in our Christian life. Don't try to do it alone.

This is where speaking the truth in love comes in. We are to put off falsehood and lying to each other because we are members of one body. Instead, we are supposed to speak the truth in love. This will help us grow together. There are two parts to this. The first is speaking the truth. Our text comes to that directly. We need to speak the truth to one another. We are not to lie to each other. Nor are we to ignore speaking about things when those things need addressed.

Sometimes the truth can be spoken in a way that is destructive. We are always to speak the truth, but we must speak the truth in love. It is possible to use the truth to injure others. It is possible to use the truth for personal advantage at another's expense. This is what is behind gossip. Gossip is when you tell bad stories about other people to your cronies. Much of the time, gossip is not true. But even when there is truth to it, it is not loving because it injures.

But just because the truth can be spoken without love is no excuse for not speaking the truth when it is needed. We must not refrain from speaking the truth in love just because we think it will make someone mad or feel bad. We must not give the answer we think people want to hear rather than the truth they need to hear. Conflict comes from communication problems compounded by our sinfulness. God would have us work through conflict so that we would be built up in love. He wants us to be built together in Christ. That means we need to speak the truth to each other in love.

Is it difficult to keep the balance between truth and love? Yes. Without the Spirit of God, it is impossible. But God has empowered us to live new lives so we can build each other up as we speak the truth in love to one another.